here and there in Dec

its been a while since last blog i posted. too much things happened, yet i still enjoying my life with work, friends and activities here and there. drama at workplace seems getting hotter and hotter but i decide to get myself away from it, bad for my soul, relationship and health.

as year 2011 is approaching, too much thing need to be done and not to mention holiday and friends invitation for wedding and social meeting at the same time must spend time with family. i think, i should go for family first. i only can be with them once a year and its a must in my calendar every year. i feel guilty sometimes when i realize i spend very little time with them especially my mama and papa. i know God is always there to protect them but memories with them is everything for me as their daughter.

stay away far from family, money always been an issue for people like me. travelling expenses, presents for family, money contribution for our house at hometown, contribution for family dinner and so on. lucky, my family is not really practicing this so-called 'angpau' and presents as get together is everything for us. no need 'angpau' and gifts, food will do..:)

friends...i missed a few gathering with them and planning to meet this December is a little bit tight. thanks God they still remember me even most of them i didnt meet for years; like 10, 15 years. social networks seems to be so famous nowadays. without seeing them in person, i still can get in touch with them and see their latest pictures. having lots of friends such a blessing for me and i will appreciate and remember them all the time.

i just can pray and hope that everything is going to be fine this dec.

watch out...May is on her way now..:)

have a blessed december

It's 3am now

I'm still awake and it's 3am in the morning. I'll tell you why I can't sleep. I went for a jog yesterday at 8.30 am...Say what? Yeah, I was not working and am taking this free time to prepare for my PBIM run next month. I finished my workout within 1 hour for 7 rounds including exercise. By 1 pm after I took my shower, I felt so exhausted and sleepy. As soon as I lay my head on my pillow, I immediately know that I can't resist staying up and when I open my eyes the next time around, it's already 5 pm!

I still feel tired even after four hours of sleep. I was thinking about my friend's invitation to play badminton at 9 pm yesterday and I feel so bad for turning him down. I can't stop thinking about it this whole night. Damn! Should have gone for that. At least, I would be sleeping while I am writing this, LOL!

A piece of prayer to share:
Father, thanks for the day that You had given me yesterday and also the food, roof above my head and all the nice people around me. Keep us safe tonight, bless our family, give a warm place to stay for all the homeless children and I pray that I can prepare myself to face new day today...nitey...zzz

Rooney: Yes, I want to leave United

It seems like bad day in the office for Fergie these few weeks, as well as Rooney. Most of the MU fans didnt give a blessing for Rooney to leave MU. Others say Rooney is nothing and some said Its time for Fergie to leave MU. This club is doing great under Fergie's empire and no one doubt it but the leaving of all the great players like Cristiano Ronaldo, Carlos Tevez and going to be soon Wayne Rooney will rise up lots of question mark to everyone. In his statement about leaving MU, he keep praising his present club but I cant really understand the exact reason why he is leaving such a great team. Maybe he cant get a total achievement if he stuck with MU forever and wanted to experience all the great club in the world. Great player..they always have this thinking. Poor you Rooney, you cant stand with Ferguson who always treats his players as his own son.

He's been always my favorite player and for now I am not ready to see him play in other club but as people said, MU is always about team. When Cristiano Ronaldo left on summer 2009, fans not that really worry because MU still has Wayne Rooney and some people said, his leaving can make Rooney shine and time for him to perform. Maybe MU will a bit shaky due to this news but this club had proved too many times that they still can win the match without Rooney and that we called it team spirit.

Well, good luck Rooney. Your figure as a sport celebrity will always expose you to scandal, gossip and stuff like that, some may true some may not but you just entered stage where you will face a strong desire, passion and very fragile. Sometimes you maybe wrong in making decision but who cares...its your legs that kick the ball, not me neither Ferguson. With or without you, I always like this team. There are lots of good player in this club and they deserve the credit too...Bye bye Rooney, I might not watching you playing anymore just like i did to Ronaldo. Talking about Ronaldo, I dont really admire him actually...If you happen to choose Man City as your new BOSS, please send my regards to Carlos Tevez or if you decide to go to Real Madrid send my regards to Cristiano Ronaldo. I read Chelsea and Barcelona are interested in you but you turned Barcelona down and for Chelsea, they cant pay you more than they pay for John Terry now. Is that true that United's lack of ambition was the reason you wanted to quit the club? You're too ambitious...I cant blame you for being too ambitious...!!!

Think too much make me miserable

Not going to work for 3 weeks make me think lots of things. Start from my health, future, daily life, spiritual life, family, money, work, to-do-list, home, settle down and so on. Its not really a good practice but this gives me a room to think about things that I left behind, forgotten or maybe I-will-think-about-it-later or tomorrow kind of stuff. It really makes me confused and miserable. I start to find here and there and it will always ends up nothing and life goes back to just like yesterday.

I try to find out where went wrong and guess what, all come back and pointed to ME. My biggest challenge now is my health and all I can do is to improve my life style and to do this alone is good enough to make my life and mind not in good track. Let me share this to you; to find good and trusted medicine/supplement, where to get it from, how much does it costs me, no assurance and to try them already cost me RMxxx per month at least, private or government hospital?. It takes lots of consideration and conditions. I wonder about what will happen with my health 10, 20, 30 years later. My gosh, now I even thinking about death. Okay, I think I need to pray a lot to find peace in my heart.

Maybe, maybe...this is so called unhealthy thoughts. I read this article I found while ago in internet;

People with good emotional health are aware of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. They have learned healthy ways to cope with the stress and problems that are a normal part of life. They feel good about themselves and have healthy relationships.

However, many things that happen in your life can disrupt your emotional health and lead to strong feelings of sadness, stress or anxiety. These things include:

• Being laid off from your job
• Having a child leave or return home
• Dealing with the death of a loved one
• Getting divorced or married
• Suffering an illness or an injury
• Getting a job promotion
• Experiencing money problems
• Moving to a new home or having a baby.

As a christian, I believe in this, PRAY.

I need a break....

Helping is troubling

When we are in trouble, not all the time friend can help us. I realized when I ask for a small help but a friend of mine sounds so hard to help. I dont blame anyone but maybe just a little comparison for myself. When I put myself in that person shoe and I see that my friend really needs help (judge from the trouble happened to me) I will help for sure. I've been in the very difficult situation when I was young and I understand exactly how it feels.

When I think back, some person never been into that situation and they dont understand that so I cant blame anyone. We are in the position of asking help cannot aspect people to help us as we wish but their response will affect our personal judgement towards the person. It is something like "does she/he deserve to be called friend if cannot help a friend and the reason for that is lazy?". But deep down in my heart, I understand my friend's situation. I dont know but it just a little disappointment to a friend that I consider as a close friend. The thing is, even friends that I newly know can offer help without me asking but why this friend that I know for few years cant do that. This is not about my friend didnt help me but maybe I am too emotional about the saying "What's friend for".

PEACE be with you.

World Cup 2010

Its been awhile im into this sport and this is the 3rd world cup since I know how to watch, comment, follow guys conversations about football (Soccer) and things like that. This is entertaining and fun when I have a team that I like. I still remember when I just started to follow friends to watch and learn about it. Not much really...but somehow I can talk with my guy friends and at least I have something to say and even share my opinion.

It was funny when I think back, I don't understand why guys like to watch it and most of the time they non-stop talking about it. Now I know, I feel frustrated every time my team lost and not playing good enough. I even watch the game alone...hehe. My colleagues amazed and even laugh at me when I talk to guys about football. They quite surprise I can get up at 2.30am just to watch the game.

To tell you the truth, I still have lots of things that I don't know about this sport. But I just love this game or maybe my new interest. Some of my friends said its not about the sport that catches me but the good looking players. I simply said, "I like the team".

Now, World Cup fever is everywhere. I don't really have favourite team but I still wanted to follow the news and watch the game. Lets just see which team will win this World Cup this year.

Sucks

I hate so many things in my life including myself.
Why? Because i just hate it...Am i too straight? Deal with it....

It takes time to heal this illness.

I dont know this,
I dont know that,
Why this happen to me,
Why I do that
I could have done that better
I can do better
I can do that but why I still cant pass it through
Why I always think like that
Im suck
Im terrible
I just never being prepared but at least im being honest
Im stuck here
I hate someone
I hate myself
Almost hate everything
Why?
aaarrrgggghhh...!!!
Always the same story...duuuhhh...
Dragging time....bad
I should hate the list
I hate fixing people's simple bad habit...hate it...
I hate it when I need to say thing for second time
Aaaarrrggghhh....you suck May....really..
Change the attitude...
No comment...............do I need to say it out loud.

to be continued....this is fun...real fun..!!!


Sucks,
May